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Brian Wilson Video: Watch Giants Closer As Sailor, Talk Thai Massage

I’d be lying if I said I found Lopez Tonight even remotely entertaining, but if there’s one person who could change my perception of that show, it’s Brian Wilson.

The World Series-winning closer of the San Francisco Giants appeared on George Lopez’s show to premiere the first MLB 2K11 digital short film, starring and written by Wilson himself.

Hilarity soon ensues.

Wilson (dressed as a sailor, I might add) compares himself to Chuck Norris and even dropped a phenomenal sexual innuendo, saying he “wanted to closely relate to a seaman.” 

Can’t say I’ve been there, Brian.

The charismatic closer also explained his take on “Thai massages” that were “strictly sexual.” Dane Cook should take notes.

But the classic line of the entire appearance was when Wilson compared warming up then not actually coming in for the close to a “dry hump.”

Trust me, nothing is as bad as a dry hump. That’s karma’s way of saying, “Screw you.”

Still, Wilson had a little rant that related his love life to pitching.

This was comedic gold here. Few times have I watched an athlete on a talk show and been legitimately entertained the entire time.

Instantly, Wilson moves up into my top three funniest athletes, alongside Shaq and Charles Barkley (unintentionally, of course).

If you appreciate a dry, straight-to-the-point sense of humor, Wilson is your man.

And if he’s anywhere near as good on the diamond as he was on Lopez, Wilson will be the best pitcher in baseball in 2011.

I mean, the guy had 1.81 ERA and 48 strikeouts in 2010. I’m thinking 1.50 and 55 saves next season.

Chuck Norris said so. 

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MLB Rumors: Russell Martin Receives Offers from Four Teams

MLB Rumors: Russell Martin is done in Los Angeles, but he appears to have plenty of options on the open market.

Marc Carig of the Star Ledger tweeted that Martin has received offers from four teams, three of which are in baseball’s power division, the AL East.

The New York Yankees, Toronto Blue Jays and Boston Red Sox have reportedly offered Martin a one-year contract while an unidentified fourth team has offered a multi-year deal.

According to ESPN’s Buster Olney, the favorites right now are…the Red Sox.

Yep, with Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez already in Boston, the team is the frontrunner for Martin’s services.

The fourt team in the mix is reportedly the Colorado Rockies, according to Ed Price of AOL FanHouse.

Gordon Edes of also notes that Martin would serve as a catcher for the Red Sox rather than as a utility player.

It does appear, however, that Martin would prefer to go to an East Coast team.

MLB Rumors: Edgar Renteria at a Crossroads, Where Will He End Up?

MLB Rumors: Edgar Renteria was a member of the San Francisco Giants when they won the World Series last season.

But he’s now stuck in no-man’s land, seemingly unsure of what his future entails.

According to John Shea of the San Francisco Chronicle, the Giants have offered Renteria a one-year deal to but that’s to serve as a utility infielder.

Not to mention the deal is for $1 million, which is a huge decrease from his previous two-year $18.5 million deal with the team.

Renteria has gone on record in saying that he wants to finish his career with the Florida Marlins or St. Louis Cardinals, but the Marlins don’t seem to be a fit for him right now and there’s no word on him ending up in St. Louis.

There is speculation right now that Renteria will wind up back in San Francisco because of his friendship with Miguel Tejada, who recently signed with the team.

However, the Giants would have to restructure their infield if Renteria does re-sign.

Take a look at the Giants’ offseason outlook

MLB Rumors: Zack Greinke Trade Dependent Upon Cliff Lee Signing

MLB Rumors: Cliff Lee holds the key to the MLB free agency puzzle.

Whenever and wherever he signs, Lee is expected to have a ripple effect throughout all of baseball.

And perhaps no one’s future will rely on Lee’s signing more than Kansas City Royals pitcher ZackGreinke.

According to Bob Dutton of the Kansas City Star, the market for Greinke will heat up once Lee is off the market.

The reported asking price for Greinke?

Dutton says the Royals wants”two high-impact prospects, preferably a starting pitcher and either a middle infielder or center fielder, and two players capable of supporting roles.”

Damn, that sounds like a lot.

Greinke is coming off a so-so season, and it’s unclear how many teams would be willing to part with that much talent to acquire a pitcher who’s not a surefire ace.’s Ken Rosenthal notes that the Marlins have been in touch with the Royals aboutGreinke’s services but nothing is on the horizon.

So where would Greinke fit? Check out 10 possible destinations for the star pitcher.

MLB Rumors: Latest on Cliff Lee and More Winter Meetings News

MLB Rumors: The Boston Red Sox have stolen all the headlines early on in the MLB offseason.

They pried Adrian Gonzalez away from the San Diego Padres and signed Carl Crawford to one of the richest contracts in baseball history.

But now all the attention is on Cliff Lee.

The most coveted prize of this year’s free agent market has been linked to only a few teams, most notably the Texas Rangers—who he helped get to the World Series last season—and the New York Yankees.

When it’s all said and done, Lee will probably return to Texas or be wearing pinstripes next season.

But what will it be?

Well, I’m here to keep you updated on the latest news concerning the left-handed ace who will soon crush a team’s dreams or make them come true.

I’ll also talk about some of the latest news coming out of baseball’s winter meetings.

There’s no need to refresh this page. It’ll update every few minutes.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the latest MLB rumors.

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MLB Rumors: Latest on Cliff Lee, Zack Greinke, Derek Jeter and More

MLB Rumors: It may be December, but there’s still plenty to talk about in the baseball world.

I know, I know—you probably are worrying about your favorite NFL team, stressing over the BCS or laughing (or crying) over what’s going on with the Miami Heat.

But the MLB is alive and kicking.

There are a ton of rumors (and some news) out there floating around about some of the game’s biggest stars.

So let’s take a look at what’s going on with America’s pastime. 

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MLB Playoff Schedule: Power Ranking Each Team’s Path To World Series

After 162 games, the Major League Baseball postseason is finally here.

The 2010 playoffs has it all, from powerhouses like the Yankees and Phillies, to upstart teams like the Braves and Giants.

The games start Wednesday when the Texas Rangers travel to Tampa Bay to take on the Rays, followed by the Reds against the Phillies, and the Yankees against the Twins.

But before the first pitch has even been thrown, it already looks like some teams have positioned themselves as early favorites to play in the World Series.

Of course, that’s why the games are played. If everything happened the way it was supposed to, then the predictability of it all would stop millions of fans from watching the game.

My predictions might be a little out of the norm, but not impossible. After all, anything can happen in October.

Here are my MLB playoff predictions, and a look at which teams will have the easiest path to the World Series.

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2010 MLB Playoff Predictions: Heroes, Winner Picks, and More

The 2010 MLB regular season is coming to a close, but the fun is just beginning.

While the American League playoff picture is pretty much set, the National League picture is still a bit fuzzy, as two NL West contenders and the Atlanta Braves look to secure a spot in the playoffs.

Here’s what you should look out for as the MLB season approaches October: injuries, NL showdowns, and playoff predictions.

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Bryce Harper, Zach Lee and the MLB Draft Deals That Beat the Deadline

The MLB Draft signing deadline day had more close calls than any game.

Entering Monday, 17 first-round picks remained unsigned, and the teams had just 24 hours to agree to terms with these future stars.

Most negotiations came down to the wire, as 13 players had yet to sign contracts a mere 30 minutes before the midnight deadline.

When the clock struck 12, 10 teams had their picks signed, sealed, and delivered.

But for three teams, their Cinderella stories never happened.

The Arizona Diamondbacks, Milwaukee Brewers, and San Diego Padres failed to lock up their first-round selections.

For the teams that did manage to beat the clock, the future forecasts some All-Stars in the making.

Let’s take a look at some of the biggest signings from the MLB signing deadline day.

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