I’d be lying if I said I found Lopez Tonight even remotely entertaining, but if there’s one person who could change my perception of that show, it’s Brian Wilson.

The World Series-winning closer of the San Francisco Giants appeared on George Lopez’s show to premiere the first MLB 2K11 digital short film, starring and written by Wilson himself.

Hilarity soon ensues.

Wilson (dressed as a sailor, I might add) compares himself to Chuck Norris and even dropped a phenomenal sexual innuendo, saying he “wanted to closely relate to a seaman.” 

Can’t say I’ve been there, Brian.

The charismatic closer also explained his take on “Thai massages” that were “strictly sexual.” Dane Cook should take notes.

But the classic line of the entire appearance was when Wilson compared warming up then not actually coming in for the close to a “dry hump.”

Trust me, nothing is as bad as a dry hump. That’s karma’s way of saying, “Screw you.”

Still, Wilson had a little rant that related his love life to pitching.

This was comedic gold here. Few times have I watched an athlete on a talk show and been legitimately entertained the entire time.

Instantly, Wilson moves up into my top three funniest athletes, alongside Shaq and Charles Barkley (unintentionally, of course).

If you appreciate a dry, straight-to-the-point sense of humor, Wilson is your man.

And if he’s anywhere near as good on the diamond as he was on Lopez, Wilson will be the best pitcher in baseball in 2011.

I mean, the guy had 1.81 ERA and 48 strikeouts in 2010. I’m thinking 1.50 and 55 saves next season.

Chuck Norris said so. 

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