Todd Wellemeyer continued his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine in Pittsburgh on Saturday, giving up six runs, nine hits, and three walks in three innings of work. Actually, work might be the wrong way to phrase it…it was more a vacation.
The contrast of his home and road numbers is mind-boggling at this point.
Dr. Jekyll: 3-1, 2.94 ERA, 1.13 WHIP, .213 BAA
Mr. Hyde: 0-4, 10.62 ERA, 2.21 WHIP, .305 BAA
Mr. Hyde put on quite a show in Pittsburgh, ostentatiously strutting out his schizophrenic demeanor and homeless-man composure.
At one point, he even started laughing at himself and his ill fate. In true Mr. Hyde fashion, he was the only person laughing.
Asked after the game what he was laughing at, he replied, “all of the sudden I realized it wasn’t batting practice. I can’t believe I didn’t catch that until the third inning. Too funny.”
Manager Bruce Bochy described Wellemeyer’s particular deficiency as a mental disability.
He clarified that Wellemeyer is both getting treatment and on medication.
Even more optimistically, he explained because Wellemeyer’s disability falls under the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Giants have petitioned MLB to have a 25.5th player allowed on the roster.
The player will be a pitcher who travels with the team and takes the 5th starters’ rotation spot. Meanwhile, Wellemeyer will remain in San Francisco and start all of the home games as the stable Dr. Jekyll.
The disability itself is technically called “Cantpitchontheroadism,” although it’s also referred to as Mr. Hyde syndrome.
Moreover, hip writers have begun calling any strong disparity or contrast Wellemeyerian as in “J-Lo’s behind is way bigger than her chest; that’s Wellemeyerian.”
Lawyers for the Giants defiantly stated that if they are not granted the exception by MLB, they will have no problem taking their case to the courts, and even to the highest court if necessary.
Justice Antonin Scalia was asked about Mr. Hyde Syndrome: “I haven’t read the research and test cases myself, but I did catch the first three innings of Saturday’s game. It’s real.”
If Judge Scalia is already on board, MLB will have little choice but to grant the exception.
The Giants are likely to call up Madison Bumgarner from Fresno, who was interviewed about the prospect of being the 25.5th guy.
Bumgarner: “I can’t wait. It’s a dream come true.”
Reporter: “Pitching in the big leagues?”
Bumgarner: “Not living in Fresno anymore. Have you ever been there?!”
Reporter: “You’ll have to get used to the Four Seasons, huh?”
Bumgarner: “Are you kidding me? I’d settle for a Howard Johnson’s in Hell’s Kitchen.”
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