SATIRE— Take pity on Mets General Manager Sandy Alderson. He has to rebuild a team that is saddled with a core of high salary players who are low on talent and lower still on productivity.  

To make matters worse, the team’s fans have been promised much on-the-field greatness in recent years, but have received little in terms of success.   As a result, Mets followers are losing their patience and have begun turning to other activities, such as Yankee baseball and alternate side of the street parking.

How can Alderson win back the fans while he rebuilds the team? The answer is to draw their attention away from what’s happening on the field with as many bonus promotions and cosmetic changes as he can think of.

Here are eight suggestions to start him off:

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