Here are my Penthouse Power Rankings for the first three months of the Major League Baseball Season.

The numbers to the left of their names indicate NL ranking. The numbers to the right of their name indicate their league ranking.

1. Atlanta Braves (4 )

I thought the Braves would be good this season, but they have exceeded my expectation thus far. They even played well through Chipper Jones’ possible retirement. I believe they will be the wild card team in NL by season’s end.

2. San Diego Padres (5 )

No one saw this team coming. Anyone who says they did is a liar and should be forced into a room with an angry Carlos Zambrano. They have some solid young players and should be in contention over the next couple of months. Ultimately, I believe they will fall short.

3. New York Mets (7 )

We know it’s going to happen, but the question is, when will the wheels fall off? The pitching staff has been top notch with the exception of Santana. If Santana gets rolling, watch out, Mets fans. You guys might actually make the playoffs. David Wright is an early season MVP candidate.

4. St. Louis Cardinals (8 )

They have one of the better pitching staffs in the NL. Albert Pujols leads the team in all major offensive categories except SB. Adam Wainwright looks like a Cy Young candidate so far.

5. Cincinnati Reds (10 )

I predicted the Reds would fight for the wild card this year, but they might actually get the division. Scott Rolen and Jonny Gomes have been better than expected. Youngster pitcher Mike Leake has been a nice surprise. Can’t depend on winning close games all year, though.

6. Los Angeles Dodgers (13 )

The divorce between the McCourts will be the team’s downfall this season. Kemp needs to focus less on his umbrella-ella-ella-ella and more on his production. The juice-less Ramirez has started to come around, but isn’t quite the same.

7. Philadelphia Phillies (15 )

Basically the same team as last year, but the addition of Roy Halladay had everyone screaming for a third straight World Series birth. There offense has been the biggest disappoint thus far to me. No one is really playing like they want to get into the “UMMM Hall of Fame”.

8. San Francisco Giants (16 )

Imagine if they had some hitters in the lineup other than Kung-Fu Panda. Offseason signing of Hillary Duff, sorry Aubrey Huff, big deal. Lincecum has been up and down, but ultimately no hitting means no playoffs.

9. Colorado Rockies (18 )

Jimenez has been outstanding this season. There’s even talk about him winning MVP . Troy Tulowitzki is injured and Todd Helton couldn’t hit a parked car. They will fall short when battling the other teams in the NL West.

10. Florida Marlins (20 )

Manager-less Marlins have some great young players who will probably be on other teams in the near future. The rumors have been about Bobby Valentine taking over. I’m sure Mets fans would love to see the guy who has helped them enjoy their most recent success coaching the Fish.

11. Milwaukee Brewers (21 )

They entered the season with high expectation and have held water like a cup with holes in it. Rickie Weeks has been surprisingly good this season, but he can’t pitch. They will most likely lose Prince Fielder this offseason and really have something to complain about.

12. Chicago Cubs (24 )

Sweet Lou looks like he’s auditioning for “Grumpy Old Men 3” and can’t wait for the season to end. Carlos Zambrano isn’t effective out of the pen or as a starter and acts like his teammates are the reason he’s serving up HRs like government bailouts. I wish Z would have punched Derek Lee, maybe Lee would start hitting. Cubs fans, you’ll get’em next year.

13. Washington Nationals (25 )

The Nationals finally have something to cheer about, but he can only pitch once every five days. They were competitive at the beginning of the season, but that is over. I have a theory about people who think Stephen Strasburg should be in the All-Star game. Only rich people think that you should get things without earning them.

14. Arizona Diamondbacks (26 )

The season was pretty much finished when they couldn’t close out games early on. Edwin Jackson throwing a 149 pitch no-hitter pretty much sums up what they think of their bullpen. The offense hits HRs, but doesn’t hit consistently.

15. Houston Astros (28 )

The Astros should be surrendering a short time after the All-Star break. They need to get what they can for Roy Oswalt and Lance Berkman and start planning for next season.

16. Pittsburgh Pirates (29 )

They lead the league in dreadlocks and losing by the biggest margins. The Pirates will unfortunately not be competitive until there is a salary cap or they join a keg league.



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