First, let’s get this out of the way: Bartolo Colon didn’t make the MLB Team of the Week.

Despite launching his first career home run—a moment the Internet was created to celebrate—the 42-year-old New York Mets right-hander was edged out by a certain Washington Nationals hurler who fanned 20 batters in a game.

We did find room for a Boston Red Sox designated hitter who may want to rethink retirement, a Milwaukee Brewers outfielder who upped his trade stock and more guys—one per positionwho enjoyed stat-stuffing seven-day runs.

As ever, players needed at least two starts at the position in question to qualify, and we awarded bonus points if strong individual performances led to notches in the win column.

Sorry, Colon. Crack another one next week and we promise we’ll squeeze you in.

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