Manuella Being Manuella  


Manny Ramirez was suspended from baseball for using hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin), a women’s fertility drug which helps steroid users restart testosterone production when they come off a steroid cycle.

Many suspect, because of the hCG, Manny was using steroids. However, we’ve heard a different, possibly ridiculous theory:  the drug is also used in the hormonal treatment for pre-transsexuals.

Could it be? Could the most macho man in baseball decide he no longer wished to be a “he?” Could the most macho man in baseball decide he’s tired of being a “Manny?”

Possible theory: you carry that name all your life—Manny, Manny, Manny—and one day you wake up and wonder what would it be like to be Margarita or Manuella?  What would it be like not to have a penis?

“Does my butt look big in this uniform?”

Crazy theory, right? No possible way Manny might be exhibiting the traits of a pre-transy. Manny never gets moody, right? No, never! You’ll never find Manny decide he does not want to run out a base hit. “Well, today, I just did not feel like running.” Manny would never do that.

It’s a crazy theory. Does Manny like to wear his hair long like Jennifer Lopez? Of course not!

Does Manny ever say he doesn’t want to play because “Manny wants to clear his head?”

Clear his head? Looking for an epiphany like Julia Roberts in “Eat. Pray. Love?”  No, not the most macho man in baseball! Manny would never do that. 

What if a teammate hurt his leg, and it was Manny’s day off, and the manager came to Manny and asked if he would play? Manny would never say “No, I don’t feel like it.” See, Manny’s not a pre-transy.

Manny would never wear earrings like a girl, and then insist the entire team scour the third base area looking for a missing diamond stud.  That’s not Manny.

Let’s go back to the clubhouse. We’re pretty sure Manny’s no transy in a training bra.

Manny, we’re checking out a theory. We have a few questions:

“The movie ‘Eat, Pray, Love.’” says Manny being Manny. “Julia Roberts, she downs a load of carbs, doesn’t gain a pound. Her figure… carumba. How does she do it?”

Manny, ummm, we’re trying to figure…

“Have you tried J-Lo’s new Glow perfume?” asks Manny, being Manny. “I like it much better than Deseo. Too much jasmine in Deseo.”

Manuella Being Manuella  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles

Manny, there are times, ummm, when they…

“Look in this mirror!” says Manny, “Ozzie wants me to trim my dreads. I’m thinking down to here… or here. What do you think? Here… or here?”

Manny, you keep changing locations, new homes, selling your condos, what’s that about?

“A guy needs a change of scenery. I love to decorate. Is that a crime? Now I’m working with purples and greens. Do you like paisley?”

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