Jeremy Affeldt is in the final year of his contract with the San Francisco Giants. As an effective left-handed reliever who will turn 33 this year, Affeldt figures to find continue his major league career, whether it’s with the Giants or another team.

However, the club that signs Affeldt for next year (and possibly beyond) may want to hire someone else to help him with taking care of duties at home. Because this man clearly needs to be protected from himself. And maybe his children, as well.

Affeldt was placed on the 15-day DL by the Giants on Tuesday with a sprained knee injury. OK, that happens. Pitchers get hurt. Call up a replacement from Class-AAA Fresno, as the Giants did with Travis Blackley, and everybody reconvene in two weeks or so. 

But it’s how Affeldt hurt his knee that raises an eyebrow. 

As the Chronicle‘s Henry Schulman reports, Affledt got home after Saturday’s game and was greeted by his four-year-old son, Walker. Walker was so happy to see his daddy that he jumped into Affeldt’s arms.

That is very sweet, right? I imagine it’s one of the best things about being a parent. I’ve seen how my baby niece reacts to seeing her mother come home from work, and I know it’s the best feeling she’s had that day—and maybe in her life. 

Anyway, according to Schulman, Walker is a pretty big kid for his age. Tall, that is. Four-and-a-half feet already. So when his son jumped into his arms, Affeldt had to shift his weight. And when he did that, he felt his knee pop. 

Uh-oh. Affeldt woke up early the next morning with throbbing knee pain that he put a bag of frozen vegetables on. Hours later, an MRI exam revealed the sprain, which typically takes seven to 10 days to recover from before throwing can resume.

But this isn’t the first home injury Affeldt has suffered.

Approximately eight months ago, he stabbed himself in the right hand while trying to separate frozen hamburger patties with a knife. Affeldt caused nerve damage in his pinky finger and came within a millimeter of cutting an artery. 

(If you’ve never seen it, here’s a link to a post on the story from Big League Stew’s David Brown. Dave’s done plenty of funny Photoshops over the years, but his image for the Affeldt incident might be his finest work.) 

Let somebody else catch the kids next time, Mr. Affeldt.

But if you insist on bonding with your children, let an aide defrost the hamburger patties and/or handle the cutlery. Or perhaps consider wrapping yourself in bubble wrap to prevent you from hurting yourself.

You make big-league money, sir. Pass off the menial tasks to hired help for the sake of your future baseball career. 


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