If there are no more questions, Cliff Lee would like to end this interview on a wet, crinkly note. 

After two months on the disabled list, the Philadelphia Phillies starter returned to the mound in uninspiring form on Monday night, chalking up one of the worst games of his career against the San Francisco Giants (12 hits, six runs in just under six innings).

It was a night to forget for Lee, who could be hopping towns if the Phillies can convince an eligible suitor to take a chance on the 35-year-old lefty and pick up the $12.5 million buyout left on his contract.

Thus Lee concluded what could have been one of his final interviews in a Phillies uniform with a definitive (ceremonious?) passing of gas. 

CSNPhilly.com (h/t Barry Petchesky of Deadspin) was on hand to capture the endearing moment.

After halfheartedly going through the postgame motions with reporters (he wants to win games, he’s not worried about leaving Philly), Lee waited patiently for a final question from the pack.

The pause soured into awkwardness and, sensing conclusion, Lee adjourned the forum with a judicious gavel clap of butt thunder.

Is there any punctuation in public discourse more final than the screech of the barking spider? I believe there is not. 

No matter how serious the business or matter afoot, it will be derailed—if not ended entirely—by the sound of the boxer bugle’s crisp reveille. Farts end discussions and, as Lee proved, introduce newer, deeper lines of conversation. 

“Did you get that on tape?” Lee asked, not in the least ashamed.

Yes, the reporters got that all down, and if Mr. Lee believes his bottom was misquoted, he may take that up with the editors at CSN.


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