Sometime prior to tonight’s game against the Colorado Rockies, the formerly angry Carlos Zambrano, recently reinstated and recently healed, is expected to address his Cubs teammates to apologize for his June 25 outburst.
Of course, Big Z has already publicly apologized on ESPN. You can expect the next one to be as meaningless as this one.
Most fans and the entire organization, in fact, would rather see Zambrano just go away and not bother leaving a forwarding address.
But since they won’t eat his contract, and the MLB Player’s Union demands it, Carlos will return to pitch in the bullpen.
Look, the Cubs have nobody but themselves to blame for all this. They allowed Zambrano to destroy Gatorade coolers, act like a baby on the mound, and punch out teammates and did nothing about it.
Now that he is no longer pitching well, they suddenly get tough on him and send him out for anger management therapy.
Zambrano’s friend and current Sox manager Ozzie Guillen knows what’s up.
“Carlos has been like that since he started playing baseball,” Guillen told reporters a day after the incident. “Now all of a sudden he sucks and everyone points fingers at him. He was like that when he was winning. But you don’t produce and don’t do what you’re supposed to do and make a lot of money, you’re a target.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, Carlos is responsible for his actions. But Ozzie’s right in the sense that how come the Cubs let him get away with this behavior in the past?
Well, it’s because he’s no longer good at pitching a baseball for a living.
When the Cubs wanted to get rid of last year’s problem, Milton Bradley, they were fortunate enough to have suspended him toward the end of the season, so they didn’t have to bring him back.
So now they’re stuck in an awkward situation with the return of the immature right hander.
The players don’t like him, the Cubs don’t want him, and the fans are sick and tired of his act. Yet he’ll be pretending to be sincere when he issues his bogus apology.
But to show Zambrano that we are not vindictive fans, let’s help the big goof with the wording of his act of contrition.
“I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you,” Zambrano should begin. “For all that I have done, I am so sorry…
“What I did was not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame. I owe it to my family to become a better person, I owe it to those close to me to become a better man. I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it,” he should say.
Then, he could dazzle them with this finish: “I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.”
Ah, forget it — a professional athlete would never say something so lame!
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