In case you have failed to notice, Alfonso Soriano spits more than any other human on the planet. Honestly, he’s like a stable llama on Mucinex–it’s disgusting. Watch for it, you’ll undoubtedly lose your appetite.

But for the first time in a long time, Alfonso Soriano is starting to spit his game in between the chalk lines at Wrigley rather than littering the dugout floor with his own saliva.

Through the first four games of the young season, our $136 million man has actually been relatively productive, particularly Monday afternoon in the matinee tilt against Arizona. Soriano had not one, but two timely hits in the span of a single game, which eclipses his total set for the entire month of April in 2010.

He has become, if nothing else, the most feared 7 hitter in the National League.

If you think that I’m sitting in Alf’s corner breezing him with one of those oriental hand fans, that’s simply not the case. I’ll admit, ‘the hop’ is stupid. He’s a horrible fielder, he’s prone to the strikeout, and he still speaks that incomprehensible Spanglish jibberish after 13 years in the MLB.

But, if we’ve learned anything about #12 during his career with the Cubs, it’s that the more he is relied upon, the more he lets you down. High expectations weigh him down like he’s doggy-paddling holding 50 lb. dumbbells.

Take, for example, 2006, Soriano’s last year with the Nationals. With their only aspiration for that season being to not be as poor of a franchise as the Washington Wizards, Soriano flourished. He hit .277, cranked 46 out of that supposed “pitcher’s ballpark” in D.C. and snagged 46 bases, all while mindlessly voicing his personal preference to play the infield.

Since that successful season in the nation’s capital, Soriano’s totals have dropped considerably every year and he hasn’t once stolen 20 bases as a member of the Cubs. He’s swiftly plummeted from prohibitive All-Star to yearly “fall guy”.

Do I think that paying your 7th hitter that you often replace late in games for defensive purposes $17 million is a good idea? Not necessarily, but I think that Soriano can certainly benefit from it.

Cub fans have become so disgruntled with bad contracts and underachieving free-agents on a yearly basis that voicing their displeasure with Soriano at this point has become a waste of breath.

On Monday, his two clutch hits, including his 2nd home run, propelled the Cubs back to the .500 mark. If he can continue to outproduce Skip Schumaker, the Cardinals’ 7th hitter and consummate league dork, the pressure should remain off Soriano’s slump-susceptible shoulders.

If not, this was all just me spitting into the wind.

Now I’m done. Rack me.


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