Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper, the arguable face of the league, feels like he should be older than 23. New York Mets starting pitcher Bartolo Colon, who owns a 2.56 ERA, feels like he should be younger than 42.

Suspensions for performance-enhancing drugs feel like they should be longer than 80 games. And it seems like an eternity could pass and Nationals manager Dusty Baker will always have to answer for how he handled the 2003 Chicago Cubs.

If there’s one big thing to take away from this week’s MLB action—you’ll get five here, just for the record—it’s that age and time are the most useless numbers in a sport obsessed with them.

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