Kuzul

We’re just a week away from the Midsummer Classic, which, despite the bastardization of the game by Bud Selig, remains a “must-see” on the sporting calendar. Unfortunately, due to roster limitations and obligations, not all of baseball’s finest get the opportunity to participate in the all-star spectacle. This has spawned the concept of the inaugural Whatifsports.com 2010 Fantasy All-Star rosters . Our selection committee was given two simple guidelines when constructing the starting lineups for both leagues:

1. Let the numbers speak for themselves.

2. Understand the preseason “value” of the selection. For example, young phenoms David Price and Felix Hernandez are having exceptional years. However, would you rather have Hernandez in the 4th round or Price in the 9th? Exactly.

Keeping these restrictions in mind, we present the Fantasy All-Stars of 2010.

First Base

AL: In many preseason rankings, this player was slotted in the high 20s at his position. Worse, he wasn’t even the highest graded 1st baseman on his own team. Yet through the first half of the season, this 4-time All-Star is hitting .299 with 20 bombs and 58 driven in.

Our AL choice: Paul Konerko .

NL:

To summarize, Player A is statistically superior in every category despite playing in three less ballgames, equating to 12-15 missed at-bat opportunities. Unlike Charlie Manuel, politics don’t dictate our All-Star selections, meaning “Player A” gets the nod at 1B.

Our NL choice: Joey Votto . (And in case you haven’t deduced the identity of the three remaining players: Albert Pujols , Adrian Gonzalez , and Ryan Howard , all of whom were initially picked over Votto.)

Second Base

AL: Although he was a trendy choice in the preseason, there’s no denying this pick deserves to start in the WIS All-Star gala. Second in the AL in hitting at .342, this second baseman has also added 16 HRs, 55 RBI and 59 Rs.

Our AL choice: Robinson Cano .

NL: Brandon Phillips has excelled for the Reds since moving to the top of the lineup, hitting .307 with 64 runs. However, BP was a top-5 preseason choice in most leagues at the position, while our candidate barely cracked the top-25. Yet our choice is ranking with a .331 average, 57 runs and 36 ribbies.

Our NL choice: Martin Prado. (While we are discussing the Braves – Omar Infante ? Really? What, was Mike Fontenot unable to play? It’s not like Atlanta needed a representative, as Prado, Tim Hudson , Brian McCann and Jason Heyward are headed to Anaheim. Fans get blasted all the time by the media for making their ballots a popularity contest, but Manuel has gone relatively unscathed for going with Infante over Votto, Miguel Olivo , Matt Cain , or the entire Padre pitching staff. Go figure.)

Shortstop

AL: Although he hasn’t been able to keep up with his April tear, his performance is still noteworthy, given that this SS was ranked in the 300s in overall player ratings to begin the season.

Our AL choice: Alex Gonzalez , whose 15 home runs are tops for shortstops in the majors.

NL: Statistically, Hanley Ramirez is the top-rated NL shortstop in 2010. However, most mock drafts had the Florida Marlin as a second or third overall pick, and in that regard, Ramirez has been somewhat of a disappointment. Instead, we are going with a .335 hitter who, despite only appearing in 52 games, has accumulated 30 RBI, 44 Rs, and 12 SBs.

Our NL choice: Rafael Furcal . (In case you needed more evidence of the irrationality of the Infante inclusion, Furcal has appeared in six less games, yet has a batting average 30 points higher, 8 more RBI, 21 more runs, and 9 more stolen bases. Let’s move on before my head explodes.)

Third Base

AL: Coming into 2010, this third baseman was ranked in the low-teens at his position. Yet at the halfway point, his production has earned him his first All-Star Game invitation, hitting .340 with 12 HRs, 54 RBI and 41 Rs.

Our AL choice: Adrian Beltre .

NL: Our selection on the Senior Circuit is second at his position in HRs (17) and RBI (57), and is rocking a .301 average. Not bad for someone who was projected as the 24th best third baseman before the season.

Our NL choice: Scott Rolen .

Outfield

AL: Our first nominee is arguably the top fantasy performer of the 1st half, which is incredible considering he was going as late as the 7th round in mock drafts. But after slugging 20 home runs to go along with a .340 average and 61 RBI, there’s no questioning the candidacy of Josh Hamilton on our roster. Our next pick is batting .315 on the season with 10 homers and 51 RBI. Ranked as high as 200 in overall player ratings, Magglio Ordonez has exceeded expectations in 2010. We rounded out our OF with Alex Rios , whose stat line reads: .299 BA/13 HR/45 RBI/49 R/22 SB. Although Rios was snubbed from Joe Girardi ‘s Anaheim lineup, I’m sure induction on our squad is adequate consolation.

NL: Young gun Carlos Gonzalez has been phenomenal in 2010, hitting .295 with 14 HRs, 52 RBI, and 49 runs scored for Colorado. Before he missed extended time due to injury, Andre Ethier was a serious Triple Crown-contender. Regardless of appearing in just 64 games, Ethier has 13 jacks, 49 RBI and 40 runs to go along with a .324 average. Corey Hart , whom most projections had going in the 15th-17th round range in mock drafts, gets the final spot thanks to smacking 19 dingers and driving in 61 runs.

Starters

AL: At age 38, Andy Pettitte was considered to be in the twilight of his career. Yet through 16 games in 2008, Pettitte is supporting a 10-2 record with a 2.82 ERA in 105.1 IP. Pettitte was going in late rounds of mocks, and even an undrafted Pettitte was not an anomaly in many leagues. This sentiment gives the Yankee left-hander our starting pitcher selection.

NL: On the opposite end from Pettitte on the age spectrum is Mat Latos , who’s all of 22 years young. Latos has an absurd 0.96 WHIP and 2.62 ERA in 99.2 IP through 16 games with the Padres in ’10. While Latos was a highly touted prospect heading into this season, this type of production was unforeseen by most fantasy forecasts, as Latos was ranked in the low 300s in overall player rankings.

Reliever

AL: Closers are always hard to gauge during draft day for fantasy owners, as one or two relief pitchers always fall through the cracks. This year’s diamond in the rough is Tampa Bay’s Rafael Soriano , who has amassed 22 saves so far in 2010. With a 1.42 ERA in 31.2 IP, Soriano has emerged as one of the AL’s most effective firemen.

NL: Like there was any doubt: Jonathon Broxton. Ox has racked up 17 saves on the season, despite going almost an entire month without a save. (In an unrelated note, although he’s never logged a minute on the court, I’d love to see Broxton declare himself a free-agent in the NBA. That proposal might seem ridiculous until you remember that Drew Gooden earned a 4 year, $32 million contract. Using this scale, Ox is worth the max.)

That’ll do it for this week. The “Dumb and Dumber” Quote of the Week is dedicated to those venturing on a summer road trip:

Lloyd: We don’t usually pick up hitchhikers… but I’m gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

I was five years old when my dad took me to my first baseball game.

Old Municipal Stadium in Cleveland, Ohio was the scene. Even in 1986, “The Mistake by the Lake” was well past its prime. I believe Muni Stadium purists, like myself, defended the 78,000-seat paper weight by claiming it had character.

Municipal’s aura attacked every fans’ six senses. It doesn’t get any better than a glob of spicy stadium mustard finding its final resting place on a ballpark dog. Perhaps it was the monstrous beams that obstructed the view of paying spectators or the feel of my leather mitt as I slid my hand in it ready to snare a foul ball. The scent of stale beer and the ripe odor of its remnants that wafted throughout the stadium and could be bottled up and sold. We would brand it Nostalgia by Calvin Klein – your gift with any $50-dollar purchase from Higbees.

I digress.

Now, the next interaction between my Dad and I is fuzzy, but it still remains one of my earliest memories.

Me: Dad, when do the vampires come out?

Dad: Vampires? No, you mean umpires.

Now I can’t be sure, but I would be willing to bet, in all my infinite wisdom as a kindergartner, my reaction to my father’s retort looked something similar to Ken Griffey Jr.’s in the picture above. The old man was trying to take a moment to teach his young tot a thing about baseball. I knew better.

Me (a couple minutes later): Here come the vampires!

Though my baseball career faded after 6th grade and my dad’s after high school, Major League Baseball has embraced Father-Son duos for decades.

To celebrate Father’s Day 2010, Whatifsports.com has concocted an hypothetical sandlot match-up. We have placed 25 fathers on one roster (San Diego Fathers) and 25 sons on the other (Phoenix Sons). Using our MLB Simulation engine and MLB Dream Team rosters , we want to see if the young whippersnappers can hang with their old men.

Known for his defense more than his offense, Alomar Sr. was voted to the All-Star game in 1970.

Bonds Away: 332 HRs and 1024 RBIs in 14 seasons

“Big Daddy” smacked 51 home runs for the Tigers in 1990. He followed that with 44 dingers in ’91 and 35 bombs in ’92.

BENCH: Gary Matthews , Gus Bell , Bob Boone , Felipe Alou , Dick Nen , Tony Armas , Julian Javier and George Sisler

BULLPEN: Joe Niekro , Dizzy Trout , Floyd Bannister , Jim Bagby, Clyde Wright , Mike Bacsik Sr., Ed Walsh and Pedro Borbon Sr.

I need to pass along a few roster notes before my inbox is blasted questioning the accuracy of this simulation. First, I’m sure we are missing some great father-son tandems, but we have a 25-man roster. Some patriarchs and their heirs to the family baseball throne were cut. Former Chicago White Sox pitcher, Ed Walsh, made the Fathers’ roster. His son, Ed Jr. did not. Freddy Lindstrom also made the roster without his son, Chuck. Sandy Alomar Sr. produced two sons with impressive enough professional careers to take two spots on the Sons’ roster. Though his dad was a manager, Cal Ripken was added to the Sons list, but is coming off the bench. Also, Luis Tiant ‘s dad never played in MLB, but was statistically one of best players in the Negro Leagues. We selected each athlete based on their top statistical season.

Roberto appeared in 12 consecutive All-Star games. His brother, Sandy, appeared in six.

Bonds Away: 762 HRs and 1996 RBIs in 22 seasons

Prince hit 50 home runs in just his 3rd MLB season. It took his dad 5 seasons to break 50. Both needed 573 at-bats to accomplish the feat.

BENCH: Cal Ripken, Aaron Boone , Moises Alou , Buddy Bell , Stan Javier , Lance Niekro , and Gary Matthews Jr.

BULLPEN: Luis Tiant, Steve Trout , Brian Bannister , Jim Bagby Jr. , Jaret Wright , Tony Armas Jr. , Mike Bacsik Jr., Pedro Borbon Jr. and Robb Nen

Win or lose this Father’s Day exhibition, the Phoenix Sons’ starting pitcher, Todd Stottlemyer already possessed bragging rights over his father, Mel. The former Blue Jays’ pitcher won not one, but two World Series rings with Toronto. Dear Old Dad came up short in the 1964 World Series against St. Louis. Mel managed to meet the Cardinals’ Bob Gibson three times that series. Unfortunately for the Yankees, the elder Stottlemyer was bested in Game 7 and the title traveled to St. Louis.

Mel had little issue with the Sons in the first inning. His son, however, felt the wrath of on Bonds, Fielder and the almighty power of Ben Gay. The old men roughed up Todd for four runs on three hits in the first. He faced all nine batters before getting his dad out on a fly out to left-center.

Benefiting from a four-run cushion, Mel mowed down the Sons in the second. Todd got two outs in the bottom half of the inning, but left a juicy pitch over the plate that Bobby Bonds deposited in the bleachers.

The Phoenix Sons were in trouble. Down 6-0 after two innings left little room for error the rest of the way. You thought dad’s paddle was harsh; just wait until you have to hear him talk trash.

The Sons finally cracked the scoreboard in the fourth on a Sandy Alomar Jr. single scoring Barry Bonds.

Then in the 6th and 7th innings the Sons busted out the big bats. Remembering that chicks dig the long ball, Phoenix began to rally back. Alomar Jr. continued to produce for his team blasting a 2-run dinger to cut the Fathers’ lead to three runs after six innings of play.

Ken Griffey Jr. and Barry Bonds provided some fireworks prior to the 7th inning stretch. Junior’s crush shot knocked Mel out of the game. Clinging to a one run lead, Floyd Bannister (father of Brian) entered the game for San Diego. His first batter was Bonds. His last batter was Bonds. The slugger matched daddy’s early inning achievement by blasting his own shot out of the park to tie the game at 6. Mike Bacsik Sr. took over for Bannister and recorded the final out of the inning.

The Sons’ rally was short lived. Mike Bacsik Jr. had entered the game an inning earlier and set down the order 1-2-3. But the bottom of the 7th proved to be a different animal. Bacsik gave up a lead off single to Fielder followed by a double off the bat of Griffey Sr. For whatever reason, the third base coach waved Fielder and his fleet of foot speed home, only to be gunned down at the plate. But disaster was imminent even as “Big Daddy” continued to dust off his jersey. Freddy Lindstrom came up clutch with a two-run bomb to push San Diego back ahead 8-6.

Bacsik Sr. made one mistake while on the hill allowing pinch-hitter Cal Ripken Jr. to smoke the ball over the left field fence and once again provide life to the Sons.

Phoenix headed to the top of the 9th trailing 8-7 with one last crack at taking down the Fathers. Pedro Borbon Sr. ran in from the bullpen to shut it down. Tony Gwynn Jr. made things interesting with a leadoff single before advancing to third on a two-out single off the bat of Prince Fielder. So, there are runners on the corners with two out for Alomar Jr., who already had two hits and three ribbies on the evening. But the catcher can’t catch up, swings and misses on strike three to end the game.

The San Diego Fathers beat the Phoenix Sons in this Father’s Day exhibition 8-7 the final.

Game Recap Fun Fact: Mike Bacsik Sr. recorded the win for the Father’s and Mike Bacsik Jr. got the loss for the Sons. Did you know Bacsik Jr. was the pitcher who gave up career home run 756 to Barry Bonds? In an eerie twist, Bacsik Sr. was one of 30 pitchers who faced Hank Aaron when the former home run king sat on 755. Dad held Henry to 1-2 with a single.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

Instantly, I get lost in the minutiae of the Tampa Bay Rays 2007, 37th round pick out of Molasses, Kansas. Unlike the NFL and NBA draft, packaging the MLB’s amateur draft isn’t easily accomplished when constantly appealing to an audience who is constantly asking, “What have you done for me 5 minutes ago?”

Except in the South and out West, college baseball’s popularity falls somewhere between golf and MLS; even then I may be doling out too much credit. We do not identify with these sandlot heroes. The ping of their bats do not resonate inside our baseball world because outside the NCAA World Series, the television exposure is still limited. At the end of the day, the game is not the same.

Strike one against the MLB Draft.

Holding the Draft in the middle of the baseball season is tough to justify. Baseball fans have the winter hot stove to keep them warm, but three solid Draft days in November could turn the hot stove into an elementary school kiln (remember the oven where your crappy clay projects baked before you presented them over to your mom and dad for display). An in-season Draft is information overload (see: 50 rounds) for baseball fans to consume, all while stressing which pitcher or slugger their team needs to acquire before the deadline to have a shot at the wild card. The instant gratifciation begins at 7 p.m. that night; not waiting until 2014 to see Pitcher X throw a simulated game at Triple-A Toledo.

Stirke two against the MLB Draft.

“The average good major league player takes three to four years to get to the big leagues,” former MLB general manager Jim Bowden said. “That’s a good player.”

Strike three against the MLB Draft.

“The difference between the NFL and NBA is that in the NFL and NBA, these guys are jumping right into the pros and they are performing at a high level right now,” Bowden said.

I’ll reiterate: right now. Cue up Van Halen.

However, Bowden believes baseball is on the brink of accelerating the leisurely pace the sport’s draftees and young stars take while moving up to the big leagues. Baseball fans are currently embracing these phenoms during the 2010 season, possibly without knowing what an anomaly it is.

“I think Mike Leake and Stephen Strasburg getting to the big leagues so quick along with Justin Smoak and Ike Davis is going to help the sport,” Bowden said. “Because fans are witnessing how much quicker players are getting to the big leagues than they used to.”

In turn, an organization earns a faster return on their initial investment and the team’s fan base builds an identity with their young star sooner.

So, the instant gratification between fan and baseball draftee may be growing in the seasons to come as more young players avoid the minor league quagmire and hit the big leagues faster. But the appeal of tuning in to the MLB Draft in June is still far from the NFL and NBA extravaganzas created by the buzz of the fans. Bowden disagrees.

“I think Major League Baseball has come along way,” Bowden said of the Draft’s television exposure. “We televised it last year. MLB.com continues to grow. ESPN and Fox Sports are covering it more than they ever have before. We are headed in {the direction of the NFL and NBA draft coverage}.”

Though it might currently be living in the primetime shadows of the NFL and NBA Drafts, Bowden says the Draft, the trade deadline, the GM and winter meetings are the four most important dates of the baseball season.

“The misnomer in the game is that people think the general manager is out there scouting and evaluating all the players in the Draft,” Bowden said. “That’s a misconception. There are some general managers that don’t go and see any players. I would say most GMs go and see their first round pick.”

The bulk of the MLB Draft is run by a team’s scouting director. They are in charge of scouting supervisors, national cross-checkers and regional cross-checkers. This is the crew that spends their time scouting and collecting as much data on the available draftees as possible.

“The scouting directors try to get as many opinions as you can to make the right decision,” Bowden said. “For the most part scouting directors are making the call with the approval of the GM and, at times, the president and owners.”

The “War Rooms”, as they are often affectionately referred to, are highly organized beehives of activity.

“If you have 400 players, you rank all the players 1-400,” Bowden said. “You rank by position, signability, medical background, make-up, character, their hitting, fastball, speed. You verify the list with your supervisors and cross-checkers. When draft day comes, you take the best available player on your list.”

In his experience, Bowden says using any early draft picks on a high school standout is a risk with little reward.

“Historically, the worst gamble in the first round has been high school pitchers,” Bowden said. “There are exceptions like Clayton Kershaw. You can see high school pitchers throwing 93-95 miles per hour with a great curveball. After you draft them, three years later, they are throwing 87-88 mph with a flat breaking ball. What you see isn’t necessarily what you get.”

Then again, if you are a general manager blessed with patience, a diamond gem may find his way to your organization four years down the road.

“The one thing about the human body is that it changes the most from 18-21 years-old,” Bowden said. “Stephen Strasburg doesn’t get drafted out of high school. He goes to college and then becomes the number one draft pick.”

Speaking of Strasburg, if you missed his big league debut on Tuesday, I’m sure if you flip on your television, you can enjoy a replay.

After all, the game will be an instant classic.

Jim Bowden explains the ins and outs of MLB’s Draft

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

WhatIfSports.com utilizes its award-winning baseball simulation engine to present the most comprehensive and unbiased ranking possible of all 30 teams in baseball each Monday during the regular season.

To come up with the rankings, using only their statistical performance to date this season, each team is simulated against every other team 100 times (50 at home and 50 away) so that all five pitchers in the current rotation start 10 times at each location.

(Note: If a pitcher who was in the rotation was recently put on the DL, he will not be included in the simulations.)

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

You may have heard some rumblings about this Stephen Strasburg guy. Allegedly, he’s pretty good.

Check that: he must be good, as usually the only time a Washington National warrants media attention is in relation to a comedy of errors (cough, cough, Nyjer Morgan , cough, cough).

But from some of the trade proposals I’ve viewed in retaining Strasburg’s services, you would think this guy was the mutant lovechild of Sandy Koufax and Walter Johnson .

Make no mistake, Strasburg’s stats in the minors have been ridiculous (no earned runs in 18.1 innings at the AAA level, 0.89 ERA in eight minor league starts) thus far.

Yet, questions surround the status of the 2009 No. 1 overall pick.

For starters, while rumors and speculation abound, an official debut date for Strasburg has not been indicated by the Major League club.

Another hurdle is Strasburg’s monitored pitch and inning count. Considering Washington invested $15.1 million in his right arm, chances are a fairly-low workload will be non-negotiable.

Additionally, Strasburg’s opposition will be quite formidable, as the NL East has been the most competitive division in baseball in 2010. Yet these influences seem to be lost on the general fantasy public, as stalwarts such as Miguel Cabrera and Evan Longoria have been offered in exchange for young master Strasburg.

Which is why if you own the rights to Strasburg, trade him. Now.

Strasburg has already logged 40 innings this season. The earliest projections have Strasburg in the Washington rotation around June 5, meaning the San Diego State product will make one, possibly two more appearances in the minors.

Using fellow former No. 1 overall David Price ‘s 2009 campaign as a comparison (162.2 innings between AAA and MLB), Strasburg will probably appear in 110 innings or less the remainder of the season. Not exactly the allotment time a fantasy owner strives for from a supposed anchor of a staff.

The Cabrera and Longoria examples were extreme, but it’s not unfathomable that a second or third round selection (think Justin Upton or Robinson Cano ) will be presented in a trade for Strasburg.

Unless your rotation is depleted to the point where you are plugging in the likes of Brian Bannister and Aaron Cook , ship out Strasburg while his demand is high. You may not get the same enjoyment following an Upton or Cano, but your fantasy team will be better off for it.

Start ’em: Edwin Encarnacion , Blue Jays. Edwin had quite the series in Arizona,smacking five homers in 11 at-bats, including a three-run HR outburst on Friday. In his first six games since coming off the DL, Encarnacion has 11 RBI.

Sit ’em: B.J. Upton , Rays. Upton has four hits in his last 26 ABs, and is hitting a mere .213 on the season. With Desmond Jennings, a consensus Top Five prospect in baseball, waiting in the wings in Triple-A Durham, Upton may be running out of time to fulfill his promise that made him the second overall pick in the 2002 Draft.

Fantasy Flashback: 1885 John Clarkson . In 1885, John Clarkson started 70 games for the Chicago White Stockings , and in 68 of these contests, threw a complete game.

To give that some context, in 2009 National League pitching staffs compiled 76 complete games COMBINED. Other noteworthy Clarkson achievements in ’85: 53 wins, 623 innings, a 1.85 ERA, and a wicked handlebar mustache.

Waiver Wire Watch: For those of you looking to drop an under-performing player, make your first free-agent pick up a player currently on the DL.

Most leagues have a roster spot for those on the injured list, and by picking up and stashing someone like Jair Jurrjens , you’ll have possible trade material down the line. Furthermore, you can select another player who can contribute immediately, thereby allowing you to pick up two players for the price of one.

Rookie Review: Jaime Garcia, Cardinals. The St. Louis left-hander is 4-2 with a 1.28 ERA in ’10. Garcia has also posted a good K/9IP, with 42 strikeouts in 49.1 innings.

And since we’re on the subject of the Cardinals, has Tony La Russa aged in the last 30 years? I swear, the man is the real-life incarnation of Richard Alpert from “Lost .”

Think I’m full of it?

Here’s La Russa with Chicago circa late 1970s, La Russa with Oakland around 1988, and Tony in the present day .

And in memorial of the series finale of “Lost “, here are my theories to explain this ageless phenomenon.

1) He’s on the same steroid cycles as his Oakland teams from the late ’80s.

2) He a charter member of the Mike Krzyzewski Hair Coloring Club.

3) He’s on the same steroid cycles as his St. Louis teams from the late ’90s.

4) His exposure and proximity towards animals has somehow left him with a superhero-like power against Father Time.

The Week in Jonathon Broxton: Another solid week for the Ox, picking up three more saves to bring his yearly total to ten.

While he did allow a run in three innings of work (proving that no one is perfect), he fanned six batters who had the misfortune of battling the great Brox-bino (thanks to reader Sam for the nickname suggestion after last week’s Babe Ruth /Broxton comparison).

Trade Talk: This is usually the time of the year when owners start to lose favor with underachieving All-Stars. You can possibly capitalize on this opportunity by getting a proven player like Prince Fielder for 85 cents on the dollar.

Don’t offend a fellow owner with an offer like Jorge Cantu for Mark Teixeira , but make it enticing enough where you can pull of a potentially season-swinging steal.

Big League Chew Player of the Week: Ben Zobrist , Rays. The Zorilla has been kicking ass and taking names. Zobrist is 13 for his last 23 with two HRs (doubling as his first two bombs of the season) and seven RBI, helping Tampa Bay win seven of their last eight.

Spit Your Tobacco at: Dustin Pedroia , Red Sox. The 2008 AL MVP is hitting .080 in his last six games for Boston.

You’d think Nyjer Morgan would have this award wrapped up after his hissy-fit contributed to an inside-the-park home run on Saturday, but let’s be honest: it’s Nyjer Morgan.

The only way a dude hitting .259 with the Nationals is getting on TV is with a stunt like that, so if anything, Fantasy Fever applauds Morgan for getting his 15 minutes of fame.

That’s it for today. And in honor of my awkward interaction with a police officer this weekend, our “Dumb and Dumber” Quote of the Week:

Officer: Pullover!

Harry: (showing his sweater) No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!

Until next week.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

WhatIfSports.com utilizes its award-winning baseball simulation engine to present the most comprehensive and unbiased ranking possible of all 30 teams in baseball each Monday during the regular season.

To come up with the rankings, using only their statistical performance to date this season, each team is simulated against every other team 100 times (50 at home and 50 away) so that all five pitchers in the current rotation start 10 times at each location.

(Note: If a pitcher that was in the rotation was recently put on the DL, he will not be included in the simulations).

Teams Ranked by Winning Percentage
(everyone plays everyone 100 times)

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

Up until about a year ago, I had no budget, no financial restraints holding me back from acquiring goods and services. No salary cap in the life of this yuppie. Then the stock markets’ violent dip into the abyss acted as my accounting alarm clock.

The piercing beeps of economic epiphany began to take refuge in my brain. I was convinced that I needed to set a budget and, more importantly, stick to it.

Like Jim Leyland and the Tigers’ cigarette ban in the dugout, I’ve obeyed the rules, maybe a little too closely.

The latest financial headlines continue to consume my interest in print, television and online. Hell, I’ll admit it, I’ve been known to clip a coupon. And you know what? That money saved has been parlayed into wise investments.

With a non-existent salary cap in Major League Baseball, general managers have made it a habit to back load contracts.

You could consider this practice a contract coupon. BOGO (Buy one HR, get one free) deals are all the rage when a blossoming superstar erupts his second year in the bigs, while the franchise is still paying him the minimum.

Perusing the salaries around the league, outside the major markets, some franchises are earning a healthy return of investment on baseball’s best bargains.

Tampa Bay’s Mr. Everything, Evan Longoria, has
provided plenty of bang for the buck in 2010. As of May 24th, he’s hitting .318 with 9 dingers and 38 ribbies. Yet, Evan’s still $50k away from the million-dollar club.

– – – – – – Braun’s Bottom Line: .324, 7 HRs, 30 RBI

Votto is averaging a .307 batting average, with 29 homers and 99 RBI during his tenure with the Reds. At the ripe old age of 26, his $525k salary will be back, back, back gone soon.

The All-Budget team possesses depth on the bench in Geovany Soto ($575k), Shin Soo-Choo ($461,100), Jason Heyward ($400k), Ike Davis ($400k), Chase Headley ($427,700), Jacoby Elsbury ($496,500), Felipe Lopez ($1-mil), Garrett Jones ($425k) and Andruw Jones ($500k).

The rest of the ration includes Chris Volstad ($420k), Francisco Loriano ($1.6-mil), Phil Hughes ($447k), and Clayton Kershaw (440k) with Joba Chamberlain ($487,975) as the closer.

The 25-man roster’s total payroll adds up to just over $15-million. Though the construction of an All-Budget team falls somewhere between fantasy and lunacy (mainly because the average experience of this roster is 3 major league seasons), this highlights how out of control free-agent spending has become.

Can you imagine what kind of coin Longoria is going to expect come 2014, a season after raking in a modest $6-million? That is assuming the young man’s offensive production remains consistent over the next three seasons.

This leads me to the penance some general managers and scouts face for overvaluing talent on the free agent market.

MLB’s Revenue Risks roster compiles those veterans signed to hefty contracts based on past performances. GMs push the financial pedal to the floor with these transactions. Only to learn in 2010, the tank is closer to E than F.

The Milwaukee Brewers are still on the hook for over $7-million of Hall’s $8.5-million dollar salary. He’s currently (as of May 24th) hitting .188 with three home runs for the Red Sox.

Carlos Pena’s Production: .187, 7 HRs, 27 RBI – – – – – –

Burrell almost got a pass on the Revenue Risks roster, but then the Rays designated the designated hitter for assignment. At $9-million, Burrell’s lack of production at the plate forced Tampa Bay to part ways and eat the contract.

Because of the low supply and high demand for pitching around the league, general managers approach the negotiation table the same way a lonely college student approaches the main stage at Girls! Girls! Girls!

They empty their wallets without a second thought because, well, that’s what you do: Jake Westbrook ($11-million), Jeff Suppan ($12.5-million), Aaron Harang ($12.5-million), Jeremy Bonderman ($12.5-million), Dontrelle Willis ($12-million), and newly named Mets reliever Oliver Perez ($12- million). Coming out to close games will be (when he’s healthy) Brian Fuentes ($9-million).

The accumulated 2010 stat line (as of May 18th) for these seven hurlers is a 6-14 record, 4 saves and a 5.42 earned run average.

David Ortiz ($13-million) and Travis Hafner ($11.5-million) are available options off the bench. Finding overpaid athletes in the cap-less MLB is as challenging as picking Waldo out of a lineup, but justifying which names appear on the roster is a tough balance.

The glaring omission most critics will question, and fill my inbox demanding answers as to why, is Alex Rodriguez.

I would agree, unless A-Rod finds a cure for cancer while playing the hot corner this season, his $33-million contract is extreme.

However, when you break down his career averages of .304, 43 homers, and 128 RBI and also factor in his value to the Yankees in terms of jersey sales and butts in seats, perhaps it’s warranted.

The same cannot be said of a Bill Hall, Michael Cuddyer or Julio Lugo. When was the last time you heard somebody say, “I can’t wait to get to the ball game, spend eight bucks on a beer and watch Julio Lugo do his thing.”?

Though talented enough to reach the big leagues and tease the faithful with moments of brilliance, is their past productivity worth that much dough? Hall is a .250 lifetime hitter and has never finished a season hitting over .300.

Even this season, the big market cash cows in New York, Boston and Chicago are proving 9-figure payrolls don’t necessarily equate to wins.

If you take the ten highest payrolls and add up their 2010 wins-to-date (as of May 19th), they tally 208. The ten lowest payrolls have racked up 193 wins. Of those bottom ten, the Padres, A’s, Rangers, Marlins, Nationals and Blue Jays are at or above .500.

As long as the salary-cap in Major League Baseball remains a talking point instead of a reality, the free-agent funnel will continue to filter into the bigger markets.

But it’s the general managers in smaller markets and their platoon of scouts that truly earn their paycheck.

To stock up a farm system and build a prosperous foundation around young talent and future potential, instead of signing the big name to a big contract, is a gift.

The financial restraints of choosing sports journalism as my craft taught me to find the value in the goods and services I’ve bought over the last year.

Small market baseball front offices are learning to play by the same set of rules. When the piggy bank is broken, it’s wise not to rush out and buy a new one, but see what you have around the house to put it back together.

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Hideki Matsui . Carlos Lee. Scott Kazmir . Javier Vazquez. Pat Burrell .

At one point, all could be called “Seabiscuits”, fantasy studs that owners could ride to rotisserie glory. In 2010, all are running like Barbaro.

Pause.

Yes, that Barbaro.

Mid-May has always been the time of year when fantasy owners are forced to face an inevitable predicament: stay with struggling stars or cut them loose. Players, teams, and media will maintain it’s still too early to worry about an individual’s performance, but with almost 25 percent of the season in the books, we usually have a good indication of what type of production is imminent for the rest of the summer.

For some lucky owners, this choice is easy, as the Major League clubs have already made the verdict for them (Vazquez to the bullpen, Burrell designated for assignment). But for the rest of us, we are left to our intuition and magic-8 balls.

It should be noted that player evaluation should not be standardized, as some players deserve a longer leash than others. However, there are two consistent contributing factors that should weigh into your decision-making process: past performance and age.

For example, Kazmir has been one of the more reliable and steady pitchers in the AL since 2005, and at age 26, still has plenty of gas left in the tank.

Yet for guys who are battling Father Time, like Lee and Matsui, the prudent move is to wash your hands clean and start anew.

Personally, the Matsui revelation is a hard pill to swallow, as “Godzilla” was a major contributor to my early-season fantasy success, hitting .302 with four HRs and 11 RBI in his first 17 games. Yet the hot start has stalled, as Matsui is batting .163 in May and down to .234 overall, giving me no alternative but to send him packing on the Waiver Wire train.

American author Napoleon Hill once stated that “Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in all walks of life.” Most would view this declaration as a warning towards giving up on besieged ballplayers. But to me, this quote sends only one reflection:

“Guess Napoleon Hill never played fantasy baseball.”

Start ’em: David Ortiz , Red Sox. Can you say “revitalized” in Spanish? Big Papi is on a tear in May, with six jacks, 14 RBI, and a batting average hovering around .350. I’d personally like to apologize to the Boston bruiser after doubting him during his dubious display from the plate in April. In fact, I just reacquired him in favor of —

Sit ’em: Asdrubal Cabrera , Indians. Cabrera is headed to the DL after fracturing his arm in a collision with Jhonny Peralta on Monday night. Cabrera was hitting .287 for the Tribe at the time of the train wreck.

Rough week for the city of Cleveland. First their King crumbles in the clutch, now this.

Hey, at least they still have the Browns.

Fantasy Flashback: 1935 Arky Vaughan . According to noted baseball historian Bill James , Vaughan’s 1935 campaign ranks as the greatest season registered by a shortstop not named Honus Wagner .

The Ark-inator put up a .385 average, .491 OBP, and a staggering .607 slugging percentage, along with 19 bombs, 99 ribbies, and 108 runs scored. Even better, he did it with the impairment of having the name “Arky.”

Waiver Wire Watch: Eric Hinske , Braves. Owned by less than five percent of fantasy owners, the 2002 Rookie of the Year has started to see consistent playing time for Bobby Cox , and with good reason. Hinske is 12 for his last 21 with two HRs and nine RBI. Better yet, Hinske is eligible for three positions (1B, 3B, OF), making him a valuable pickup.

Rookie Review: Ike Davis , Mets. A 2008 first round selection, Davis lit the Mets’ minor league system on fire in 2009. He hit .298 with 20 HRs and 71 RBI to go along with a .381 OBP, earning the Mets’ Organizational Player of the Year award. After hitting .480 in spring training in 2010, Davis put the baseball world on notice, and has hit .271 with three HRs in 85 at-bats this season.

This Week in Jonathon Broxton: Ox-mania has taken America by storm! In the past week, Broxton has compiled four saves without allowing a run. To quote legendary base-runner Benny “the Jet” Rodriquez, “People say he’s less than a god, but more than a man. Like Hercules or something.”

Granted, Benny was referring to the Great Bambino when he made this statement, but I think the passage still rings true for Ox. And you’re damn right, I just compared Babe Ruth to Jonathon Broxton.

Trade Talk: One of the enormous no-nos in fantasy is the panic trade. These transactions are seeded in either two categories: under-performance or injury. In my circumstance, when word broke that Triple Crown-threat Andre Ethier went down in batting practice, I hastily compiled numerous proposals around my league to insure my offense in case of a prolonged Ethier-absence. I ended up dealing James Loney , Jon Lester , and Barry Zito for Justin Morneau and Andrew McCutchen . I think that should steady the ship. Maybe. I don’t know. It made sense at the time.

The moral of the story kids: Don’t trade in the heat of the moment.

Big League Chew Player of the Week: Jose Contreras , Phillies. After a rough couple years, Contreras looks to have found new life in an unfamiliar role: closer. With Lights Out Lidge and Ryan Madison on the DL, Philadelphia has turned to the 38 year-old for help. Already successful in 2010 as a set-up man (0.68 ERA in 13.1 innings), Contreras is now slamming the door shut for the Phillies, and notched the first save of his career on May 15.

Spit Your Tobacco at: Jeff Francoeur , Mets. Francoeur is one for his last 20 at the plate. For all you non-mathematical scholars out there, that equates to a less than stellar .050 average. And since I have nothing else nice to say about the New York outfielder, a slight unrelated rant.

Does anybody else dream of what they’d do if they ever made the Kiss Cam? The smart and safe play is to give your girl a peck on the cheek, inspiring some half-hearted “awwwwws” from the audience. There’s always the “animal attack,” but unless it’s two senior citizens going at it (which always draws the biggest roar of the night), the exploit sends a creepy vibe throughout the stadium. The “avoidance” is hit and miss; sometimes it evokes laughter, other times it will be showered with “boos.”

Which leads me to the only logical play if you’re a manslapping a wet one on your beer. Surefire approach to induce laughter and applause—as well as vitriol from every woman in attendance. As “The Office’s” Michael Scott would call it, “a Win-Win-Win.”

Since I haven’t discovered or created a good catchphrase to close this weekly bad boy up, I’ve decided to do the next logical thing: see how long I can get away with concluding with a Dumb and Dumber quote. Let’s give it a whirl.

“Hey guys. Whoa, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later!”

Yep, that’ll do just fine. Until next week.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

WhatIfSports.com utilizes its award-winning baseball simulation engine to present the most comprehensive and unbiased ranking possible of all 30 teams in baseball each Monday during the regular season.

To come up with the rankings, using only their statistical performance to date this season, each team is simulated against every other team 100 times (50 at home and 50 away) so that all five pitchers in the current rotation start ten times at each location.

(Note: If a pitcher who was in the rotation was recently put on the DL, he will not be included in the simulations.

Teams Ranked by Winning Percentage
(everyone plays everyone 100 times)

The Cincinnati Reds have been on fire over the last three weeks. They have now jumped from 22nd to 16th in WIS Power Rankings. After taking two of three against the Cardinals over the weekend, the Reds are now in sole possession of first place in the NL Central.

Taking a look at the stats, Cincinnati’s pitching has really led the charge up the standings after slipping out of the gate in early April. The Reds’ team ERA has dropped from 5.41 last month to 3.54 in May.

“Everybody has been clicking on all cylinders,” starting pitcher Homer Bailey told Whatifsports.com. “That’s what a lot of people didn’t see {in April}, was how bad we were playing as a team. We have started to get into our rhythm and we’re right there.”

The Cincinnati Reds are 9-5 in the month of May and have won 14 out of their last 20 games dating back to the end of April. The team’s bats have awoken from a spring slumber too. Jay Bruce is hitting .364 over the last seven days and is realizing his team can erupt at anytime.

“We’ve been playing good baseball,” Bruce told Whatifsports.com. “The tough losses have given us more character and a resiliency to know we are never out of games.”

Great American Ballpark, the Reds home field, has experienced a jolt in attendance numbers thanks to the team’s hot play.

“This is a baseball town when it’s going right,” Bruce said.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com

In April 2006, two American League first basemen, both in their second year in the Show, had similar smokin’-hot starts:

Player A 

10 homers, knocked in 24 runs, a .313 average and a .404 on-base percentage.

Player B 

10 dingers and supported a .404 OBP, with 20 RBI and batting .326.

Although both players were highly regarded by their respective organizations, many critics did not believe either would continue their early-season dominance into the summer.

By the end of ’06, Player A would finish with 35 HRs and 95 RBI.

Player B, on the other hand, would conclude the season in the minors.

And the identity of the masked men? The former would be Nick Swisher , and the latter Chris “Big Red” Shelton.

The reason I tell this tale? After 30 or so games into 2010, there appear to be a handful of young guns posting statistical anomalies that are making fantasy owners go, “Uh what?”

The list includes Austin Jackson (leading the American League with a .371 batting average,) Ike Davis (.316 BA, .437 OBP,) Jamie Garcia (1.18 ERA in six starts,) Colby Rasmus (.304 with 20 runs,) and Starlin Castro (six RBI in MLB debut.)

Oh, and some guy for Atlanta named Jason Heyward is doing alright (.291 BA/eight HR/26 RBI/.410 OBP) as well.

I wish I could channel my inner Miss Cleo and prognosticate which of these players will continue to perform and which will fall by the wayside. However, I can tell you what to do if you’re lucky enough to own one of the aforementioned athletes.

Trade them.

For reasons not fully explained, there exists a certain phenomenon in fantasy sports where managers take a little too much pride in owning a breakout star.

It’s almost as if a sentiment of fantasy hubris exists, and the success of a rookie or gamble draft pick fulfills our self-fulfilling prophecy of sports expertise.

ANYONE can draft Pujols— it takes a man with some brass ones to pick Heyward a few rounds earlier than projected. (By the way, that’s the sound of me patting myself on the back for pulling the trig on Heyward in the eigth round.) To some extent, it’s akin to parents living vicariously through their children.

The case can also be made that following a rookie/young gun is exponentially more exciting than trekking a good-but-not-great player.

For instance, along with Heyward, I have Marlon Byrd and Magglio Ordonez in my outfield, both who are off to spectacular starts. But guess whose box score I check first in the morning? Exactly.

Yet, if the ultimate goal of fantasy is to win, you can enhance your chances by dealing these prospects while they’re hot in return for a proven commodity.

Chances are Jackson won’t be heading into August with an average above .335 or Garcia with a sub-3.00 ERA, so it would be behoove you to move them while demand is high.

Sure, you won’t be able to bask in the glory of your prospects accomplishments, but you’ll be closer in your quest to bring home fantasy gold.

Start ’em

Nick Swisher, Yankees.

Speaking of Swisher, in his last eight games, No. 33 has batted .438 with five HRs and 13 RBI.

Most fantasy owners had concerns about Swisher’s possible lack of playing time coming into the season, but Swisher has appeared in 29 of New York’s 30 games.

Sit ’em

Pablo Sandoval , Giants.

San Fran sits a half game back of San Diego in the West, which is a minor miracle considering the lack of production from their three-hole hitter Sandoval.

The Kung Fu Panda is hitting .081 in the month of May with just one RBI.

Fantasy Flashback

1894 Hugh Duffy .

The original Duff-man had quite the campaign in 1894, winning the Triple Crown with 18 bombs, 145 RBI and a .440 batting average that still remains the single-season BA record.

Duffy also posted a .502 OBP to go along with 48 stolen bases.

On a side note, Duffy logged his service with the Boston Beaneaters , who rank beside the Houston Colt 45s as possessing the sweetest team name in baseball history. Last on the list—the Cleveland Infants .

Waiver Wire Watch

Jon Garland , Padres.

The former White Sox/Diamondback/Dodger has been unhittable in his last four starts, surrendering just two earned runs in 27 innings of work.

Garland is owned by only 34 percent of fantasy users, so pick him up while he’s still available.

Rookie Review Mike Leake, Reds.

Heading into Spring Training, the major buzz surrounding the Reds rotation centered on Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman, but it has been Leake who has shined in the 2010 season.

The 2009 First round pick out of Arizona State has validated Cincinnati’s selection thus far, compiling a 3-0 record though six games with a 3.10 ERA in 40.2 innings.

Related random rant—why do pitchers always rock the best facial hair in sports? This marvel has confounded me for years.

In theory, you’d think the football world would produce some kickass whiskers, but save for Jared Allen’s Fu Manchu, nothing impressive comes to mind.

Granted, hockey has the tradition of renouncing the razor come playoff time, but that’s only for two months of the year.

Yet, America’s pastime continually gives us the unintentional awesomeness of handlebar mustaches, muttonchops, dyed-goatees, and lumberjack beards. Go figure.

This week in Jonathon Broxton

Up and down week for the Ox.

Big 51 blew a save opportunity against Milwaukee on May 6th, yet was still credited with the win thanks to Andre Ethier ‘s grand slam in the ninth.

Broxton did bounce back by slamming the door against division foe Colorado on Friday and Sunday, bringing his save total to a whooping three on the season.

Trade Talk

Anytime a constant statistical discrepancy (i.e. lack of HRs, Ks) bears its face, owners will always look for a possible trade to enrich their roster.

While this approach is practical, owners who have low save totals should remain calm. A common blunder in fantasy is upgrading one’s bullpen to improve less than stellar stats.

Saves are fairly easy to come by, and the last thing you want to do is trade a valuable contributor for an unproven closer off to a hot start (yes, I’m looking at you Matt Capps. )

Instead, look to pick up a set-up man for a team whose regular closer is struggling.

Big League Chew Player of the Week Goes To

Vladimir Guerrero , Rangers.

Guerrero has proved skeptics wrong who claimed the slugger had nothing left in the tank.

In a series sweep over Kansas City, Vlad went 5-for-13 with three HRs and seven RBI.

On the season, the Vladiator has driven in 26 runs to go along with a .339 average.

Spit Your Tobacco at

Josh Beckett , Red Sox.

Beckett’s performance as of late hasn’t merited the $68 million extension he signed in early April.

Through seven games, Beckett is sporting an astronomical 7.46 ERA. His latest train wreck came against the Bronx Bombers, who tagged Beckett for nine earned runs in 5.1 innings.

That’s it for this week.

Enjoy the Padres-Giants, Twins-Yanks, and Indians-Orioles.

Class dismissed.

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