The Miami Marlins spent a lot of money on their new stadium—$515 million, mostly funded by Miami-Dade County, to be specific.

It features some interesting things, like a quasi-strip club at field level, an exploding fantasy fountain and a monstrous retractable roof. 

The last of these is probably the most practical asset, allowing the franchise to showcase and avoid Florida’s notoriously finicky weather as it sees fit.

The roof is a unique and powerful tool when used properly, but the operative words there are “when used properly.” That wasn’t the case Monday afternoon, when groundskeepers at Marlins Park made the mistake of trusting God not to dump his daily tears on South Florida during the team’s season opener against the Atlanta Braves.

Matt Porter of The Palm Beach Post was on the scene prior to the cloudburst. He noted the presence of rain clouds and the stadium’s decision to shrug off said clouds, and then he watched as water began falling through the stadium’s open roof.

The rain came down as the roof slowly closed, soaking fans and proving why we can never have nice things.

The Marlins grounds crew, not exactly a NASCAR pit crew of rain-fighting efficiency, attempted to put some kind of blanket or off-brand Twister mat over home plate.

Naturally, Twitter began making fun of the Marlins immediately:

As a former longtime Florida resident, I can’t give the Marlins a pass here. There are only two certainties in Florida: death and rain. Taxes aren’t even a thing there.

With that in mind, there’s no excuse for ignoring the one phenomenon that happens every day in this swampy hootenanny south of Georgia. Rain in Florida is like winter in Westeros: It may not be present, but rest assured, it is coming.

As for the Marlins, the team says it has no idea why the roof remained open, via Barry Jackson of the Miami Herald


I bet a Florida Man is to blame.


Dan is on Twitter. He misses Florida in the weirdest way.

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