Phil Hughes was born on June 24, 1986 in Mission Viejo, California. A little less than 25 years later, the sorry sack of dog**** went to Boston and gift wrapped the first win of the season for the hated Red Sox, who beat the New York Yankees 9-6.
Everything had been ailing Boston early on this season. They couldn’t pitch. They couldn’t hit. They couldn’t win a single game out of three against the Texas Rangers, and then they couldn’t even manage one win against the awful Cleveland Indians.
The INDIANS!
That’s how bad things were for Boston. But no matter how poorly things are going for you as a team, there is nothing that cures all of baseball’s potential ails like Pathetic Phil Hughes showing up to pitch (for lack of a better term) against your nine.
The Yankees actually gave Pathetic Phil a quick lead, scoring two runs in the top of the first inning on a Robinson Cano double. Red Sox Nation was more than on edge. All of Fenway Park was ready to pounce on their not-as-good-as-advertised team. But there was no need to fear. That’s Pathetic Phil going to the mound for New York.
Hughes allowed a Dustin Pedroia homer in the bottom of the first, drawing the Sox to within a run. But then the Yankees stormed back, grabbing that run right back in the top of the second. Pathetic Phil would have none of that, though. He allowed five runs in the bottom of the second inning and was not allowed to answer the bell for the bottom of the third.
After two starts, Pathetic Phil’s ERA stands at 16.50 and his WHIP at 2.67. The most amazing thing about his year is that he’s only 0-1. Think baseball is fair? Think again.
Check this out.
Pathetic Phil started for the Yankees on Friday afternoon. He lasted only TWO innings while allowing SIX earned runs on SEVEN hits and a pair of walks. He struck out nobody. And for his (complete lack of) effort, Pathetic Phil got a no-decision.
Bartolo Colon followed Pathetic Phil to the mound. He pitched 4.1 innings, allowed only ONE earned run on only TWO hits and one walk while striking out five. It should also be mentioned here that Colon single-handedly saved the Yankees’ bullpen and gave the team a chance to get back in the game. For his effort, Colon gets the loss.
Ridiculous.
Only time will tell if Pathetic Phil is allowed to rape the Yankees any more this season. But we are quickly getting to the point where Brian Cashman and Joe Girardi get the blame if he does. Of course, the Yankees don’t really have any great options.
$200 million doesn’t buy what it used to. Especially when Cashman is the one doing the shopping. But that’s another issue for another day.
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