The Mariners’ hitting is, to be blunt, very bad.

As an Indians fan, I think of my team’s hitting, and think to myself, it could be worse. We could have the Mariners’ hitting.

They are last in runs, home runs, and slugging percentage, and nearly last in batting average, hits, and other categories.

So the question is, how do we fix this?

Clearly, the Mariners are still in the hunt in a tight AL West, so they aren’t out of it, and can afford to make some changes.

Here are five guaranteed ways to lift the Mariners’ spirits and get them back into things.

Note: The following list is satirical, and not a list of serious suggestions. Their minor league team isn’t hitting well either, so they don’t have many options available for modifying.

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