HUMOR—The Colorado Rockies announced today that they will be retaining the services of shortstop Troy Tulowitzki until the year 2161. The former Cal State Long Beach Dirtbag will never be allowed to even consider playing for another team unless the interested parties can agree on a fair settlement. The Rockies have hinted that the value for Tulowitzki would be somewhere in the Hope Diamond range.

When asked how he felt about management coming forward with such a generous offer, Tulowitzki could not be heard over the sound of the “Tulo” chanting flash mob that took over the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver.

The Colorado Rockies, once a team that only five or so people cared about are now beating everyone, and I mean everyone. Colorado fans have multiplied and at least 3/4 of them now know where Colorado is.

Additionally, there has been talk that if he chooses to retire in 2161, Denver Bronco John Elway and he will join forces to build a sports complex for kids who were all named John or Troy from 1980-2050. The complex will teach basic football and baseball skills and offer after school programs in car salesmanship for youth ages 10-15.  All student athletes who participate will be given a number, either two or seven and must be a Colorado resident.

In 12 games played in this young 2011 season, Tulowitzki has seven home runs and is batting .364 with 12 RBI. If he stays on course, he will have 172 homers, 3,212 RBI and a batting average of around .2000 by July.


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