Hey, you there. Did you know that a new baseball season starts in just a few short days? Don’t you want to get to know it and be told exactly what’s going to happen?

Of course you do. And fortunately for you, kind Internet wanderer, you’ve come to the right place.

On Sunday, the St. Louis Cardinals and Chicago Cubs will play the first game of the 2015 Major League Baseball season at Wrigley Field. The day after is Opening Day, otherwise known as the most beautiful phrase in the English language (take that, “cellar door“) and unquestionably the finest holiday in existence.

As per usual, we’re here to mark the arrival of the season by turning to a few categories of interest—ranging from breakout players to awards to division races to the World Seriesand doing a bit of previewing and a whole lot of predicting. 

Yes, this means we’re about to recklessly disregard the set-in-stone truth that you can’t predict baseball. We do so because the baseball gods demand sacrificial predictions, and we’re starting…


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